Teaching Notes: Principles of Marital Communications

Teaching Notes are Bible studies we taught before GraceLife Ministries began publishing articles online in 1995. Some were presented as sermons, others as group studies.

Our hope is that these older studies will be a blessing to you in your life and ministry. Please use them in any way God leads you.

This study is the second in a series about Dating and Marriage and looks at marriage communications from the perspective of God’s Word.

[These notes are from a Bible study taught more than 40 years ago. The notes are in outline form.]

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Ephesians 5:25-28

Father —> provider, protector, priest

The firm and loving leadership of the father builds a ‘canopy’ of protection over his wife

Loving Leadership —> Father handles personal pressures – practical and spiritual – and protects wife and children

Neglectful Leadership —> Father does not handle personal pressures – practical and spiritual – and does not protect his wife and children … pressures fall on wife/mother .. she may criticize his failure and take her frustration out on their children 

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7

  1. Leadership in knowledge (includes wisdom)
  2. Leadership in honor (showing respect)
  3. Leadership in sharing (spiritual sharing)

Failure to lead the family disqualifies a man from serving in the church (1 Tim. 3:4-5, 12).

Key Questions

  • Does my wife continually ask me questions that I am not really answering?
  • Am I genuinely meeting her need for the security of my knowledge?
  • In what ways do I wish she would improve her communication with me? (e.g. talking, sharing, spiritually, sexually)
  • Where must I first be willing to improve my communication with her? (e.g. talking, sharing, spiritually, sexually)

Leadership Opportunities

The formula for successful marital relationship:

Love Given = Love Received

  1. Relationship of Counsel — the wife has a basic need for direction in life
  2. Relationship in Prayer — wife has a basic need for prayer with her husband and from her husband.
  3. Relationship of Protection — husband should protect his wife from pressures, fear and insecurity. He should teach his children to respect their mother.
  4. Relationship of Common Sense — wife concentrates on the qualities her husband praises.
  5. Relationship of Time — husband should provide time for intimacy and togetherness with his wife.
  6. Relationship of Satisfaction — God gave sexual expression to satisfy a legitimate physical desire.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” 1 Corinthians 7:2-5

Principle #1 – “Give 100% Love” (v. 3)

Principle #2 – “Your body belongs to your mate” (v. 4)

Principle #3 – “Do not defraud by abstaining” (v. 5)

Key Questions

Am I really “ministering” to the personal sexual needs of my mate?

______ very well ______ fair ______ insufficient ______ poor

How is my mate’s sexual response to me?

______ very well ______ fair ______ insufficient ______ poor

Is this causing problems in other areas of your marriage? What areas?

In what ways may I improve my contribution to our personal relationship?

Submission

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephesians 5:21-24

Key Questions

How would you rate your husband’s leadership?

________ excellent ______very good ______ adequate ______ poor

How would you rate your submission to his leadership?

________ excellent ______very good ______ adequate ______ poor

Is there a similarity between your submission and his leadership?

[Thank you for reading these teaching notes from more than 40 years ago. My prayer is they will be a blessing to you, your family and your ministry.]

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